- August 29, 2020
- Posted by: Villa Caritas
- Category: Blog En
If you came to this article it's because you've probably wondered on several occasions: Why don't we sometimes understand each other?, What do we fail when we talk to each other? How can we communicate better? In the following lines I will try to ask you a simple evaluation, some ideas of what are the causes of these "disconnections", some theory and some tips that can help you communicate better with your part
ner. Together, take this simple test that contains features of how we communicate.
Check the boxes that best represent them and review their results… Together:
If you've checked most boxes, that's fine. They are within the expected range of female and male behaviors. The differences are marked and the characteristics are typical of the communication styles of each sex. If you have checked few boxes, they are most likely to have balanced communication styles between the two ranges. Complementarity could be very good. Keep
in mind that there are some physiological, factory considerations that we must accept and learn to live with them (you will not be able to change them, do not keep trying) such as: they will be able to use 3 times more words than a man uses a day; men are visual and they are auditory; they will focus more on the processes and we will focus on the results, etc. Don't be discouraged, the reality is hard; but the good news is that while we are different, we are complementary and the challenge is to discover how that complementarity is a st
rength. With this picture, what are our most common mistakes?
- We hope they talk to us the same way we talk. You give the way you want to receive.
- Another feature that generates incomprehension, is that they can be vague or ambiguous and they want to be very punctual. How to find us?
- Gottman talks about four factors that open the gap in the couple: destructive criticism, defensive attitude, contempt and evasive attitude.
- It is common to insist on points where we clearly think differently. We can'
t think about everything the same. The challenge is how we carry these "disagreements" without talking upset.
- In many cases it is often given up and silent to avoid conflict. It seems like a sensible attitude, but you have to be careful when it becomes a time bomb. It'll explode soon.
- One last big mistake is to assume that the other is understanding me and not to do something so that I can be sure and clear of understanding the message.
According to psychologist Pilar Sordo, women want to be mainly heard, they don't want advice, they just listen; they want shows of interest and the willingness and openness to dialogue on our part. They don't want monologues or monosyllabic answers from us. When they have something to share, they don't want to just tell the title, they want to give the details.
Let's remember the "tell me everything and exaggerate." For Sordo, men want their partners to be more direct in communication, no spinning and impreciating. Sometimes they want to be alone and they need them to tell them how much they love them.
Here are 7 points to help you improve communication with your partner:
The relationship and improvement in communication is worked day by day. As Jean Lemaire argues, communication is most often "qualitatively insufficient." For this reason, communicate, express, share your interior. If your intention is to always love your partner, any effort to communicate better, will always be well valued.
Arturo Lapa River
aCoordinator General of accompaniment San Pedr
o.Family and couple therapist.